Bob Dylan>Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues

It's a long time since Bob Dylan wrote a 'talkin' blues'. It's a shame because I find them amusing. My favourite is probably this one - Talkin' John Birch Paranoid Blues (1962). It's a great send up of the anti-communist group - the John Birch Society. The song's protaganist is so keen to root out the communists infiltrating the US that he looks everywhere for 'the reds' - even down his toilet! Back in '60s there was a hint of controversy about the song when Dylan walked out on the Ed Sullivan show having been told he wouldn't be allowed to play it on air.

The paranoia that Dylan so brilliantly satirizes back then is just as relevant today as ever. Perhaps not in terms of Communism and leftist politics but rather around Islam and the political ambitions of 'Islamic fundamentalists'. I've rewritten this song a couple of times for a new political context. Now it becomes 'Talkin' Andrew Gilligan Paranoid Blues' or 'Talkin' Pamela Geller Paranoid Blues'. Andrew Gilligan is a British journalist who is doing his utmost to 'expose the political ambitions' of my local mosque - the East London Mosque - and the Islamic Forum Europe, a group of Muslim activists who dare to believe that social welfare, politics and faith can work together! Now I know a few of the bigwigs at the mosque and IFE and more than a few of the faithful congregation and let me tell you - there is an excessive paranoia to his over zealous reporting. The leaders of the mosque can't even sneeze without being accused of having some underhand reason for doing so!

So without more ado - here's my re-write:

Well, I was feelin’ sad and feelin’ blue
I didn’t know what in the world I wus gonna do
Them Islamists they wus comin’ around
They wus in the air
They wus on the ground
They wouldn’t gimme no peace . . .
So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the Andrew Gilligan society
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin’ down the road
Yee-hoo, I’m a real Pamela Geller now!
Look out you IFE!
Well, I wus lookin’ everywhere for them IFE
I got up in the mornin’ ’n’ looked where I could see
Looked in the sink, behind the door
Looked in the glove compartment of my car
Couldn’t find ’em . . .
I wus lookin’ high an’ low for them Islamists everywhere
I wus lookin’ in the sink an’ underneath the chair
I looked way up my chimney hole
I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl
They got away . . .
Well, I wus sittin’ home alone an’ started to sweat
Figured they wus in my T.V. set
Peeked behind the picture frame
Got a shock from my feet, hittin’ right up in the brain
Them Muslims caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones
Well, I investigated all the books in the library
Ninety percent of ’em gotta be burned away
I investigated all the people that I knowed
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go
The other two percent are fellow Gilligans just like me
Now Barak Obama, he’s a Muslim spy
Merkel, Cameron and that Milliband guy
Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight
When I run outa things to investigate
Couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else
So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself!
Hope I don’t find out anything . . . hmm, Allah Akbar!